Repost: Bicycle Safety

Originally Posted October 5, 2005, a time when I had realized that things in my own life needed to change, but when I was 'stuck' and unable to make those changes. Things are good... We need not regret the past, we need to concentrate on shaping a better tomorrow.........



One of the most confusing things, as a parent, is teaching our kids about "right" and "wrong". It is easy to say, if it goes against the 10 Commandments, then it is wrong. But, is that enough? No, in this world, we have many rights and wrongs. Like "white lies", where you tell someone something to protect their feelings. Strictly speaking, is it right or wrong to say, "Well, it isn't so bad....", when you really don't like it?

On a more personal level, with children, is winning and losing. It's good to win, and bad to lose. But, at the same time, it seems like some kids win all the time, and some kids lose all the time. Truthfully, no one wins ALL the time, at everything, but, sometimes it seems like they do. So, how do you tell a child who has lost, yet again, that it is all right? That losing can be a good thing? That they did the best they could, and everything is going to be okay... Through their tears, their pain and humiliation, they do not want to hear this. How can anything be "right"?

In Scouts, we had a state police officer come and give a safety lecture and demonstration. He talked about bicycle safety. It's pretty apparent why helmets are a good thing, even common sense. But, how do you explain to a child, that when you're walking up the road, you should walk on the "left" side of the road, instead of the "right" side? But, when you're riding a bicycle, you must obey vehicular laws, and ride on the "right" side, and not the "left" side?

The reasons for this are that when you're riding, you are, in effect, on a moving vehicle, and subject to the laws that apply to moving vehicles. On a bicycle, you should stop at stop signs, use a turn signal or hand signals to indicate which way you are turning, etc. Also, it would be dangerous to top a hill on a busy or even remote street, and meet oncoming traffic while riding your bike. But, when you're walking, you need to be able to see ahead of you, so you can get out of the way, in case someone is coming toward you.

It all goes back to safety first. There are times, while walking, that we will cross to the right side of the road, like on a blind curve or hill, where no one can see what is coming, and people drive too fast, causing dangerous conditions for the walker. In general, however, we follow the law and walk up the left side of the road, and as cars come toward us, we move to the edge of the road, and they tend to veer toward the middle, and all is well.

Going back to "rights and wrongs", to explain bicycle and walking safety to my kids, I tried to make it as clear as possible. "When walking, right is wrong, and left is right. But, when riding, right is right, and left is wrong." I think they get it.

In life, how do we so clearly explain things? Often it is just as hard. Our greatest way of teaching our children is by setting examples. Therefore, they see us doing something, they deem it acceptable, and do the same things. So, if we shout a lot, the kids will tend to shout a lot. If we complain a lot, the kids will tend to complain a lot. If we pray a lot, the kids will tend to pray a lot. If we wear smiles on our faces every day, our children will tend to wear smiles.

But, what happens when it seems like everything is wrong? Like when you're in a race, and you lose? You hold up your head, and say "Congratulations" to the winner, and life goes on. What happens when you're in a situation where there are no winners? When something ends, like when their Grandfather dies, perhaps? How do you tell a child that there is any "right" in this? You say, "Grandpa is in heaven." but is that really very meaningful to a child? He has just lost his best friend.

I suppose we could distract them, by teaching them bicycle safety...

But there is no "right" anywhere that will bring back something that is gone forever. And this is one of the hardest lessons to learn, as a child or an adult. You can pretend that everything is "right" and just continue to go on, pretending, forever. But, to fix the wrongs and make them right, means to truly come to accept that some things just are not "right". Then you must not only accept this awareness that they are not "right", and cannot be, but also become aware that life goes on. There's a future there, that each and every one of us contributes to. And that if things are not, and cannot be "right" the way they are today, then it's our job to build a better tomorrow. For when everything else is "wrong", there are still "right things" inside of us.

Through faith, hope, and love, we can each help to bring about a better tomorrow. No matter how bad today is, there is always hope for tomorrow. If we have faith in ourselves, and in the world around us, even God, then we can work to make a better tomorrow. And through companionship, though love, we can strengthen the faith and hope inside us. And, maybe, despite the "wrong" of today, we can reshape tomorrow, where we'll wake up and find "right" in our world.

Betrayal

So I went to my first Maundy Thursday church service last evening. It was interesting - held by candlelight at tables in the large Sunday School room instead of the sanctuary.  A ritual celebrating the Last Supper.  There were readings, and hymns... One of the companions of Robin and I, someone I've gotten to know somewhat over the past few months, was reading along with the liturgical response, and singing the hymns. When we got to the story of Jesus' betrayal, and a hymn was sung about "I am the betrayer... I have betrayed thee."

She seemed to stumble a bit there, as, admittedly, I did.  It was a reference to the betrayal of Jesus by Judas and the abandonment of him by the rest of the disciples.... But it was sung in the first person... implying that the singer IS the betrayer.

Neither she nor I get too caught up in the details of the "Jesus Story".   I have read most of the bible, probably 80-85% of it, so I have a good understanding of the stories and history.  But there's so much more to Good than reading the words, or The Word, as some call it.  Regardless of that, we do attend church most Sundays and worship. We're lucky enough to have a pastor who reaches beyond the words to try to bring the Message to life.

It's not about all the technical details. There are "inspired" stories throughout the Old and New Testaments that were written by human beings. And centuries later, translated by other human beings into new languages, including English. Many people use the King James translations as the One True Gospel... It was written in the 1600's, and commissioned by King James of England. To quote one source, "James gave the translators instructions intended to guarantee that the new version would conform to the ecclesiology and reflect the episcopal structure of the Church of England and its beliefs about an ordained clergy."

Interestingly enough, politics played a huge role in that translation of the Bible. And know what? It DOESN'T MATTER. No matter which translation you use, the Golden Rule is still the Golden Rule. The story of the Good Samaritan is still the story of the Good Samaritan. It is not about the words, it is about the Message.

For example, we could spend weeks or even months discussing Revelations... and unless we are living in a world where we do Good Things because we live in fear of some future action against us if we sin, then it's all pointless. It's good to understand the book, to read it, but in the end, if we focus too much time and energy on it, then we have wasted a great deal of ourselves on this pursuit.  We need to live right because it's the right thing to do.

I'll say again, "...unless we are living in a world where we do Good Things because we live in fear of some future action against us if we sin, then it's all pointless."  All the studying of the technical details of what may come to pass in the future is pointless.  My opinion... Just my opinion.  You should know the story and have a grasp of what it means, but in the end, we must strive to live right for the right reasons.

Think about that for a minute. IF we are living Good Lives because we are forced to do so by our fear of Hell, or because God wants us to, or because doing so will earn us all the milk and honey and mansions of heaven, then we've missed the boat entirely. What we need to do is to live the Good Life because it is the Right Thing, not for some reward or punishment.

Those things are there, yes... but inside each and every one of us is a little voice, a voice of reason, a voice of conscience, the voice of the Divine, that if we will listen, if we can free ourselves from the distractions of our world, and disentangle ourselves from the cages of words that the church and the bible and society have built around us.. If we can do good things because they are the right things to do, then we're on the right track.

And the Bible and the Church are great places to start. They are a roadmap to a Better Place. But if we keep looking down at the road beneath our feet, then we'll never be able to see up ahead to where we're headed. We need to forget for a moment where we are and just BE.


And then there's Maundy Thursday. Why is it that we tend to stumble when we say, "I am the betrayer, I am the one who betrayed you."? Think about it.

Since this is a somewhat biblical essay, let us return to the roadmap of Christianity, the Bible.

In Romans, there's a section that discusses right and wrong and those who are strong or weak. In effect, it says, "If you are strong in faith, and you believe that it is okay to eat meat or drink wine, then do so. It's okay - you aren't sinning if you do so. But if your brother, your neighbor, is weak in faith, and feels like it is wrong to eat meat, or drink wine, and does so anyways, then he IS sinning. Don't judge him for being different. But if you, in your actions, lead him to do something that in his mind is wrong, then you are wrong, too."

Romans 14:1-4

1 Accept him whose faith is weak, without passing judgment on disputable matters. 2 One man's faith allows him to eat everything, but another man, whose faith is weak, eats only vegetables. 3 The man who eats everything must not look down on him who does not, and the man who does not eat everything must not condemn the man who does, for God has accepted him. 4 Who are you to judge someone else's servant? To his own master he stands or falls. And he will stand, for the Lord is able to make him stand.

Romans 14:13-15

13 Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in your brother's way. 14 As one who is in the Lord Jesus, I am fully convinced that no food is unclean in itself. But if anyone regards something as unclean, then for him it is unclean. 15 If your brother is distressed because of what you eat, you are no longer acting in love. Do not by your eating destroy your brother for whom Christ died.

Romans 14:19-23

19 Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification. 20 Do not destroy the work of God for the sake of food. All food is clean, but it is wrong for a man to eat anything that causes someone else to stumble. 21 It is better not to eat meat or drink wine or to do anything else that will cause your brother to fall. 22 So whatever you believe about these things keep between yourself and God. Blessed is the man who does not condemn himself by what he approves. 23 But the man who has doubts is condemned if he eats, because his eating is not from faith; and everything that does not come from faith is sin.

And most importantly:
Romans 14:17

17 For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking, but of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit.

Why is it that we tend to stumble when we say, "I am the betrayer, I am the one who betrayed you."? Think about it again.....

I have only given some exerpts of this sermon from Paul. But there are a few object lessons here. One of them is to quit judging others. Really. What another person does is between that person, and his Creator. YOU have nothing at all to do with it. That person will make mistakes. You will, too. In the end it's between them and God.

We all want to live good lives. We all want to be better people. But have you never gone against that little voice in the back of your mind, and done something that deep down inside you thought was wrong? Did someone say, "C'mon, do this..." and you did it, even though they thought it was okay, and you thought it was bad?

If you did, then you betrayed your Inner Voice. That Whisper of the Divine that can guide you through right and wrong.

I have been there, and done that. It isn't always a fellow person who leads you astray. Sometimes, we have two Inner Voices... You have the Divine that says, "Do what is right, do what is healthy, do what is Good..." and then the voice of the Profane, that says, "It's okay... everybody does it."

At some point or other, we have all listened to the Profane, whether that was an inner voice, or the voice of our Brother or Sister or anyone else in our lives.

It is not for us to judge the other for the faults that we imagine them to have. It is not for US to judge anyone. We must learn to do for ourselves, to Be for ourselves. To strengthen our own faith in ourselves and the Divine. To search for Peace and Joy. "..it is not a matter of eating and drinking, but of righteousness.", or as I prefer, Right.

Do it because it is Right for you. Period. By all means, guide your friend, be there, but do not become the person who makes them stumble because your standards are different than his.


Why is it that we tend to stumble when we say, "I am the betrayer, I am the one who betrayed you."? For me, it's because I don't want to be the betrayer. I also don't want to be the betrayed. But at various times in my life, I have found myself in both roles. I am Human.


One of the most important life lessons I have learned can be summed up in this short phrase, "He was a good person in a bad place." Remember, when you find yourself realizing that you have been the betrayer, or the betrayed... You are Human.
 
Chances are, the other is, too. It does not make either of you a bad person. Just a good one in a bad place. The important thing is to look forward, look ahead, to a better place. Find the path to Peace, and Joy, and Right.

And feel free to sing along with the hymns, even when they make you uncomfortable.