Originally Posted October 5, 2005, a time when I had realized that things in my own life needed to change, but when I was 'stuck' and unable to make those changes. Things are good... We need not regret the past, we need to concentrate on shaping a better tomorrow.........
One of the most confusing things, as a parent, is teaching our kids about "right" and "wrong". It is easy to say, if it goes against the 10 Commandments, then it is wrong. But, is that enough? No, in this world, we have many rights and wrongs. Like "white lies", where you tell someone something to protect their feelings. Strictly speaking, is it right or wrong to say, "Well, it isn't so bad....", when you really don't like it?
On a more personal level, with children, is winning and losing. It's good to win, and bad to lose. But, at the same time, it seems like some kids win all the time, and some kids lose all the time. Truthfully, no one wins ALL the time, at everything, but, sometimes it seems like they do. So, how do you tell a child who has lost, yet again, that it is all right? That losing can be a good thing? That they did the best they could, and everything is going to be okay... Through their tears, their pain and humiliation, they do not want to hear this. How can anything be "right"?
In Scouts, we had a state police officer come and give a safety lecture and demonstration. He talked about bicycle safety. It's pretty apparent why helmets are a good thing, even common sense. But, how do you explain to a child, that when you're walking up the road, you should walk on the "left" side of the road, instead of the "right" side? But, when you're riding a bicycle, you must obey vehicular laws, and ride on the "right" side, and not the "left" side?
The reasons for this are that when you're riding, you are, in effect, on a moving vehicle, and subject to the laws that apply to moving vehicles. On a bicycle, you should stop at stop signs, use a turn signal or hand signals to indicate which way you are turning, etc. Also, it would be dangerous to top a hill on a busy or even remote street, and meet oncoming traffic while riding your bike. But, when you're walking, you need to be able to see ahead of you, so you can get out of the way, in case someone is coming toward you.
It all goes back to safety first. There are times, while walking, that we will cross to the right side of the road, like on a blind curve or hill, where no one can see what is coming, and people drive too fast, causing dangerous conditions for the walker. In general, however, we follow the law and walk up the left side of the road, and as cars come toward us, we move to the edge of the road, and they tend to veer toward the middle, and all is well.
Going back to "rights and wrongs", to explain bicycle and walking safety to my kids, I tried to make it as clear as possible. "When walking, right is wrong, and left is right. But, when riding, right is right, and left is wrong." I think they get it.
In life, how do we so clearly explain things? Often it is just as hard. Our greatest way of teaching our children is by setting examples. Therefore, they see us doing something, they deem it acceptable, and do the same things. So, if we shout a lot, the kids will tend to shout a lot. If we complain a lot, the kids will tend to complain a lot. If we pray a lot, the kids will tend to pray a lot. If we wear smiles on our faces every day, our children will tend to wear smiles.
But, what happens when it seems like everything is wrong? Like when you're in a race, and you lose? You hold up your head, and say "Congratulations" to the winner, and life goes on. What happens when you're in a situation where there are no winners? When something ends, like when their Grandfather dies, perhaps? How do you tell a child that there is any "right" in this? You say, "Grandpa is in heaven." but is that really very meaningful to a child? He has just lost his best friend.
I suppose we could distract them, by teaching them bicycle safety...
But there is no "right" anywhere that will bring back something that is gone forever. And this is one of the hardest lessons to learn, as a child or an adult. You can pretend that everything is "right" and just continue to go on, pretending, forever. But, to fix the wrongs and make them right, means to truly come to accept that some things just are not "right". Then you must not only accept this awareness that they are not "right", and cannot be, but also become aware that life goes on. There's a future there, that each and every one of us contributes to. And that if things are not, and cannot be "right" the way they are today, then it's our job to build a better tomorrow. For when everything else is "wrong", there are still "right things" inside of us.
Through faith, hope, and love, we can each help to bring about a better tomorrow. No matter how bad today is, there is always hope for tomorrow. If we have faith in ourselves, and in the world around us, even God, then we can work to make a better tomorrow. And through companionship, though love, we can strengthen the faith and hope inside us. And, maybe, despite the "wrong" of today, we can reshape tomorrow, where we'll wake up and find "right" in our world.
