Fear and its nemesis

It is natural for all of us to experience fear.

There are many fearful situations that either exist or potentially could exist in our world, in our daily routines.

So how do we get beyond our crippling fear?

Do we deny it?  Bury it?  Run from it?

They say, "There is nothing to fear except fear itself..."  But who are they, and what do they know about me and my situation?  In all of the millions upon millions of people in the world, I am unique in my soul, and my experiences, and in my perceptions.  THEY don't know anything.

So how can one deal with one's fears, one's insecurities?

How, indeed?

I think willpower alone is not the answer.  Many of us just muscle through the days fighting against the demons that haunt us, reaching the end of our day, spent, trembling with exhaustion.  Do you?

I believe there is a journey involved, and it's not likely to be something we are transformed by overnight.

I found myself, a few years ago, relating a story of myself to someone I barely knew, and at the end of it came to the question, the core question, "Am I even a good person?"

In my own mind, I thought I knew I was better than Hitler, but beyond that...  What was really down there?  Objectively, I could see that I made better decisions day-to-day than some people, but I made bad decisions and lived bad examples, as well.  Which left me adrift in a wide sea where I didn't quite have an anchor.  So at the end of my story, the core question was presented.

"Am I a good person?"

The person with whom I was corresponding took some time to answer, and when she did, she related her own story.  It told of a young, somewhat naive and innocent person, who experienced some very tragic events in her life, and after weeks and months of despair and agony, she tried to end her own life.  At the last moment, she was moved to take action to save herself.  She ended up in an emergency room, and she survived.  She became a better person for having survived the original tragedy and the one averted... But for having done what might be considered the Ultimate Sin, she asked me, "Does this make me a bad person?"

My answer?  "Of course not.  You were a good person in a bad place."

That answer... It was my own answer.  It has stayed with me, for years.  Picture yourself, or anyone, in his or her darkest days.  Just because you live or lived there, does that make you a bad person?  Of course not.  You are a good person who has been in a bad place.

Our intuitive nature often leads us into trains of thought where we depict ourselves as moral failures, when quite often, we are beacons to someone, somewhere.  But doesn't that just make it worse?  We think that "if they only knew the half of it....." (somehow we think that they would think we're just shams, living our lives in some two-faced lie...).

But sometimes our self-intuition is wrong.  The truth of the matter is we are all human.  This human condition makes us imperfect.  That is true of every person living.

We are human?  Does this make us bad?  No, we are good people, sometimes finding ourselves in bad places.

So if we can wrap our souls around that idea, that it's okay to be a human being once in a while, and not a saint.  If we can accept the shadow, acknowledge it, deal with it, then we can begin to grow, to move on, with our journey.

Try this exercise   Go to a mirror, and look into it.  Don't look at the mirror.  Don't look at the hair on the person you see.  Don't look at the eyes, the nose, the shoulders.  Close your eyes for a moment, then look again into the mirror.  There's a stranger there, that looks just like you.  Take a few moments, and look into that person, through their eyes into something deeper.  Forget all the surface stuff you see, and try to find what is buried underneath it.  Don't be fearful.  When you can begin to discern the soul hidden underneath all the layers of outside-ness, tell it, "I love you."

Really.  If at first, you don't succeed, if you cannot find your voice, or if you cannot see the soul, then pray, meditate, live.  And each time you look at the mirror, take a moment or two to look deeper.  Try saying, "I love you."  Try feeling it.  Live it.  Find that Spark of Divinity, Spark of Beauty, that lives in every human being, the one spot of innocence and perfection that is down there, somewhere.

And if you cannot, then ask questions.  Why?  Why can I not go there?

I would not ask, "What is wrong with me?" but rather "Why can I not see?".

Because at the bottom of it all, the fault is not "me", the fault is blindness.  And our journey involves opening up the blinders.  Of seeking, and exploring, and accepting the good as well as the things we perceive as bad within ourselves.  Remember, always, that you are a human, and you are imperfect, but your imperfections are not bad, in and of themselves.  The actions you take based on your imperfections can have tragic consequences, for yourself or for others, so you must learn to cultivate the positive aspects of your soul and accept the darkness instead of letting it remain suppressed until it rages outward, with a life of its own.

A good example I heard recently, was this image of a person that knows sometimes when they have a bad mood, it creates a black cloud around them, and soon everyone in the home is snipping at each other.  But those days when they get up, that's just how it is... No one can escape it.  But what if that same person got up, and recognized the signs, and says, "Oh here we go again...."  And laughs at the grump, saying "I am going to go out and do the opposite of what old grump-head wants me to do, and goes into the day with a positive attitude."  The darkness is still there, but because it was consciously acknowledged, it is put in its place.  The downside is that maybe everyone else can still sense it, and expects this to be just another dark day, and their responses are automatic reactions to the past... The answer is to break out of it.  Tell a joke. Go to a quiet place, and read a book.  Watch something fun or inspirational on television.  Pray.  Old habits die hard, but they never die unless you consciously focus on them.

Bottom line is that we are all human.  But if we can take the time to look into the mirror, and accept and love the soul we see, then we can move forward through life, understanding that we are worthy of love, of respect.  When there are those "out there" that refuse to see the good that you know exists "in here" then the failing is theirs, not yours.  Repeat that.  "When others do not show love or respect, it is their failing, not mine."

Always strive to show kindness and compassion to others.  Just as you may have found or may find something divine within yourself, worthy of love, that spark exists within every human, as well.  So humanity is not just about the dark things we do, feel, live.  It is just as much about the light.  Just as the best people you know have flaws, so the worst have goodness.  It's hard to understand and believe this as well.  There have been monsters who lived on the Earth, responsible for the deaths of thousands or millions of people.  But even they, too, once were innocent souls, conceived in a womb.  When you run across someone that you perceive as less than worthy, instead of judging them, yelling at them, talking badly about them, just consider that they are human, too, and quite possibly not as enlightened as you.  If you can, pray for their situation, and if you cannot then accept the fact that their failings are not your fault.  And move on.

Once you can recognize that Spark of the Divine within yourself, look again at the world around you.  Stop to smell the roses.  Stop to look at a snowflake.  Stop to gaze up at the full moon or the starry skies or the bolt of lightning streaking across a dark sky.  There is that Divine Spark, that Beauty, all around us, and as long as we have removed the blinders, hopefully we can begin to see.

"I once was blind, but now I see..."  When you are comfortable within your own skin, and you can perceive that the world IS a beautiful place, and you are, too, then you can begin to live a life transformed.

I was recently called into a manager's office at work, someone who does not much like or appreciate me. I do not know his whole story, but I sense that perhaps he feels somehow threatened by me.  He says things, but then does other things, and suggests that I am not grateful for appreciating what little was done.  He doesn't listen to me, but instead responds to his perceptions of me.  I sit in the office, calm with the faithful knowledge that I am good, and however this meeting may go, it will be all right.  He reacts to my smiles when he tells half-truths, and I realize that my calm really annoys him.  Underneath my skin, I have a guilty pleasure in knowing that he is angry because I am not.  That, too, is my humanity shining through.  Worst case scenario, my meeting could lead to termination with my employer.  I don't think it will, but if it did, what then?

I'd go find another door to open and life will go on.  Bottom line, sometimes we need dark moments to force us into change, and change can be a very good thing.

After the meeting was over, looking back over the time, I realized that although I had been somewhat nervous going in, I was uplifted by the faith that I am a good person, and not trying to 'get one over on anyone', and it's all good.  And the fact that I didn't react visibly made the manager very upset.  But it is what it is.  "When others do not show love or respect, it is their failing, not mine."

I just turned forty-two years old.  That is twice twenty-one.  I think about that.  How many things have I done in the past 21 years?  How much have I grown?  Looking forward, how many more Good Things can I accomplish in the next 21?  The next 42?  In the big scheme of things, a meeting with my boss or any other uncomfortable situation that last a half hour or a week or a month, are not so important after all.

Learn to have Faith in your Goodness.  Learn to Respect Yourself.  Learn to Live with Life, and not against it.  Faith begins to come naturally.  And with Faith, comes the companion, Hope.  Armed with Faith and Hope, and Love, none of the day-to-day challenges that we all face will cause too much pain.  And THAT is what conquers fear.


I would argue that what we should strive for is to live a better life.  It's as simple as that.  If we are living a Good Life, then we can accept the challenges that come, holding the hands of our neighbor when they or we need strength.  Love without bounds.  And LIVE.