Colorful Lies

Someone once told me that there is not such thing as a 'white lie'... there's either truth, or not truth. Lies do not come in colors. I am not so sure I agree with the logic behind that. Maybe - literally - it is true, but sometimes.... we don’t live in such a black and white world.

What the truth is to me, may not be the same truth that you perceive. For example, my wife one time went to a yard sale and bought the awfullest looking lamp I have ever seen. Not only was it gawdy, it was missing a large panel of glass in it. You know what, though – she loved it... To her it was a thing of beauty. For me, it was not. Were either of us wrong? If she said it was nice, and I said it wasn’t, did either of us tell a lie?

So to take that to the next step... Would it hurt me to try and see the truth through her eyes? Would it hurt to stop, and look again? Say, well, maybe I don’t care for it too much, but it has potential. You never know. It may always be the awfullest thing you’ve ever seen... but it doesn’t hurt anyone to say, it’s not that bad.

On the other hand, suppose we got home, and she wanted to proudly display the lamp in the living room for the whole world to see, even though it didn’t go at all...

We all have our share of triumphs and tragedies in this world of ours. To my way of thinking, being cruel to someone in the name of truth can be worse than telling that ‘white lie’. You can take a good relationship and break it with just a few words. True – if the relationship is good enough, strong enough, you will overcome the obstacles, and continue on... But might there not always be the remembrance of the cruelty... hanging like a shadow.

At the same time, there is a time and place for honesty, even when it hurts. A few years ago (quite a few, now)... back when I was still single, I became very close friends with a girl. She was married, but due to military duty, separated from her husband... But that’s a story for another day. Suffice it to say that during her pregnancy, I was in many ways “her man”. I was her constant companion, accompanying her while shopping, going to parties, etc. And although our friendship has always been platonic, we were, and still are, very close... to the point where we told each other things that we probably wouldn’t tell anyone else in the world.

One day she told me something - something that really hurt my feelings... something bad about me. It doesn’t even matter now what it was, the point is that she meant it constructively. And although I must admit I was a little hurt and angry, I was smart enough to realize that she meant it in a good way. For a long time we didn’t speak of the conversation again, but I did take her advice to heart. Through her truth, I grew as a person. I guess, in a way, it was a turning point in my life.

We are still friends, and thinking back, I realize that if she’d told a white lie, instead of being blunt and telling me like it was, we probably wouldn’t have become quite as good friends as we are now.

Sometimes, there’s the truth or a white lie. Sometimes, there are ‘colorful’ lies, too. We don’t usually refer to them as lies, though. Maybe “whoppers”, “fish stories”, or such. Like last year when we went fishing, and felt a tug on the line. We could see the fish following the bait right up to the bank, then it swam away. Gosh – it must have been 30 pounds! Or that deer in the woods... well... the stories seem to get bigger and better with remembrance. Are you marked forever as a ‘liar’ for telling about the one that got away... and your memory seems to make it a little bigger than it really was?

So whether you say, “Yes, that’s a nice lamp dear.” Or say, “I just don’t like it!”, don’t do either with an attitude. If you show you are sincere and you really mean the best, then the true friend will understand. Lies are not always black and white – there’s room for some color (that fish – it really was at least 15 pounds!!!). Truth can be good, at times, and so can ‘white lies’... and the colorful ones... well – as long as their told with a smile, I guess they harm no one, either.