Arkanese

Back when I was a little younger, living in Texas, but surrounded by people from all over the country, and indeed, the world, working in the US Air Force, well, I still talked like a country bumpkin. And I'd be teased about why it is that I "was fixing to do something" (and I looked it up in the dictionary to prove that it was a legal use of the word fixing).

Oftentimes, I would exaggerate my natural tendency to drawl and talk slowly, making it seem even more countryish than I already did. But where I had the most fun, was working on a computer system where I could send messages up to the main console for the operations staff.

I learned to adapt to my environment. Some of the older folks who worked there had system userids that were based on the 7 dwarves, such as Grumpy, Sleepy, Sneezy (the system admin person), Happy (my boss) and so on. But, some of the younger guys, like me, adapted Star Trek names. I became "Bones".

So every once in a while, if you were an operator, you'd see a message from Bones telling you "Pleez du XXX - thankee" or some nonsense like that.

And so was born Arkanese. I am not sure if I coined the word, or my boss, but either way, when I'd start being a little silly, I'd tend to write things the way they sounded, instead of the way the true dictionary says they should be spelled. As an example, I am going to finish this article the same way.

Affer a while, mi wurk got bettor an bettor, an eye trully did bekum a sertifide peefessunal. I wuz edumacated. i figger eye culd bekum a PHD butt I ain't shur how 2 spill thet. Sidez, thay sed i hed 2 gradeait frum twelvth grad, an mi skool bak in Arkansaw ony wint 2 tha 8th grad.

Eye'm glad i wint in2 tha Air Farce cuz thay taut me to wurk on puters all da longg. an its a gud job 2 hev eksept whin thangs brake.

Will, eye'v rammbuled enuf 4 2day. gess i'd bittr git bak 2 wurk.