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Friday, January 27, 2006

Thundersnow and Flying... Trampolines?

What will they think of next?

A couple of nights ago, we looked out the back door at the lightning as a thunderstorm moved up the valley. The lighting blasted down here and there, getting closer and brighter, and the deep rumbles of thunder could be heard...

When it finally hit our house, there was a minute or two of pounding wind and rain, maybe a little hail mixed in, and then... it was a fierce snowstorm. The ground and air were warm enough, and the storm short-lived enough, that we only got a coating on the ground that was gone in a little while, but while it lasted (10 minutes or so) it was a heck of a storm.

Oddest thing I've seen in a long time weatherwise. Except. Not. That is. Well. Till I found out the "rest of the story".

A half hour or so after the storm passed over, I had to run into town to pick up my son from a school function. The time was nearly 9:30. As I pulled out of our driveway and started down the road, I noticed that, a couple of houses down, there was some metal poles and springs and things laying on the opposite side of the road. I did not want someone to come along and hit them - it was obviously from a trampoline, and the poles could have damaged a car pretty bad, even though they were flat on the road. I stopped, put on my flashers, and moved the poles and springs off to the edge of the road.

As I was stopped there, an older couple came by and stopped, asking if I needed help. I told them I was about done, and they went on. They said down the road a ways was a chair in the road - somebody must have had a big load in their truck and was losing it as they went along. I was thinking, "Man, some people... "

Except... ummm... that is, till I heard the "rest of the story" (same rest as before, coincidentally).

The next morning I got up, and was getting ready to head into work, got in the car, and noticed something odd. There was a big black object hanging from the power lines at my neighbor's house. She was standing out in the yard, in her pajamas, hands on her hips, looking up unbelievingly at this "thing".

When I drove down and pulled over to the side of the road, it dawned on me what it was. It was the remains of her trampoline. It seems that the wind gusts of the short-lived storm must have picked up the trampoline, formerly located in the back yard, behind the house, and either carried it over the house, or around it (and my bet is over because it was directly behind the house and ended up hanging directly in front of the house), and up into the power lines near the road in front of the house.

The poles and springs from the night before. They were on the opposite lane of the road from where the trampoline was dangling. This may be a bad shot, but it's an honest one - no touch ups necessary.

Monday, January 23, 2006

Rainbows

Did you ever see a "perfect" rainbow? That is, one that stretches from horizon to horizon, and all the colors are clear and true.

Know what's funny about these rainbows? They always occur when you least expect it. The day has been cloudy, and soggy, and everything is a little bedraggled. And, you look up, and there’s a ray of sunshine shining into your cloudy day, then your eyes widen with surprise as that perfect rainbow appears. You may still see a misty rain falling in the distance, but right there, is that bright, beautiful rainbow.

Now, rainbows make me think of friends, and friendship. It is not that a rainbow can be compared to a friend, but rather, the friend is like the sunshine, that shines in on your rainy day. It makes things brighter and prettier, and no matter how dark it’s been, all of a sudden, even if just for a moment, all the colors of the rainbow are brought to life. All the darkness is forgotten while the beauty of the world around is proudly displayed.

And what’s the point of discussing rainbows, if we don’t bring up the pot of gold rumored to be hidden at the end of the rainbow? The best gold, the best treasure in the whole world, is a true friendship.

Arkanese

Back when I was a little younger, living in Texas, but surrounded by people from all over the country, and indeed, the world, working in the US Air Force, well, I still talked like a country bumpkin. And I'd be teased about why it is that I "was fixing to do something" (and I looked it up in the dictionary to prove that it was a legal use of the word fixing).

Oftentimes, I would exaggerate my natural tendency to drawl and talk slowly, making it seem even more countryish than I already did. But where I had the most fun, was working on a computer system where I could send messages up to the main console for the operations staff.

I learned to adapt to my environment. Some of the older folks who worked there had system userids that were based on the 7 dwarves, such as Grumpy, Sleepy, Sneezy (the system admin person), Happy (my boss) and so on. But, some of the younger guys, like me, adapted Star Trek names. I became "Bones".

So every once in a while, if you were an operator, you'd see a message from Bones telling you "Pleez du XXX - thankee" or some nonsense like that.

And so was born Arkanese. I am not sure if I coined the word, or my boss, but either way, when I'd start being a little silly, I'd tend to write things the way they sounded, instead of the way the true dictionary says they should be spelled. As an example, I am going to finish this article the same way.

Affer a while, mi wurk got bettor an bettor, an eye trully did bekum a sertifide peefessunal. I wuz edumacated. i figger eye culd bekum a PHD butt I ain't shur how 2 spill thet. Sidez, thay sed i hed 2 gradeait frum twelvth grad, an mi skool bak in Arkansaw ony wint 2 tha 8th grad.

Eye'm glad i wint in2 tha Air Farce cuz thay taut me to wurk on puters all da longg. an its a gud job 2 hev eksept whin thangs brake.

Will, eye'v rammbuled enuf 4 2day. gess i'd bittr git bak 2 wurk.

Friday, January 20, 2006

Playing with our food

Aren't we taught not to play with our food? It seems like when I was a kid, I'd get in trouble for "playing" with my food. Now, not all of us are like Randy in "A Christmas Story" who is encouraged to eat his food like a little piggie.

In fact, I'd say most of us would have gotten into trouble for it. Reminds me of the time when I was supposed to eat something, and didn't really want to... and when Mom left... some of it would disappear (there was a roll of butcher paper in the corner of the dining room with a plastic cap in the center. You could hide small bits down in there... seems like that might have led to an even worse punishment, but it's all kinda grey, now).

But I digress. Since moving to Pennsylvania, I've seen some pretty amazing things. They grow corn here, in a good year, by the millions of acres. Pumpkins... big, huge pumpkins - jack-o-lantern type as well as "neck pumpkins". But, I am not talking about vegetables, right now, but butter.

Yep, butter. Last weekend, I went to the Pennsylvania Farm Show. It's like the Arkansas State Fair, back home, but only the expo exhibits, rodeos, farm animals and the like. One of the "center pieces" of the show each year, is a "butter sculpture". Now, this guy... Plays with his food (and is compensated for it, to boot). I will post some pictures of this butter sculpture, but first, some facts.

2006 Butter Sculpture
1000 pounds of butter, donated by Land O'Lakes
Funded by PA Dairy Farmers
Tribute to: Progress in PA Dairy Industry
Case Donated by the PA Dept of Agriculture


This is a front view of the Milk Wagon, with two men carrying a crate with ice cream.

This is a back view of the Milk Wagon and ice cream crate.


This is a close up view of the wagon, from the back.

A close-up shot of the ice cream crate.

Another close up shot of the ice cream crate.

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Front Teeth

Ever wonder... how to put back in those two front teeth, if they were to get busted out during some unplanned "event" such as a barroom brawl, or when your wife decides she's had enough and slugs you really good and hard, right there in your mouth.

Well, this is a way, I reckon, to accomplish this task, just in case no dentist or oral surgeon is around or you decide to just take it upon yourself to fix it up. Please note that this is not FDA nor doctor approved, and hasn't been tested (as far as I know).

It just came up in a conversation, and this seemed to be the logical place to write down my thoughts concerning it.

First of all... We all know that all the ills in life can be fixed with baling wire and bubble gum, and maybe duct tape or WD-40. I am gonna add to this super glue - it has it's place, too.

Take a piece of duct tape, ball it up on your tongue, and put your thumb under the tongue and push upwards... in the moisture of the mouth, this might not be the most effective stickum there is, but it's temporary anyhow... it should be nuff to keep the tongue out of the way for the more important part of the procedure.

you can then take some clothes pins, if available, and pin them to your upper and lower lips, forcing them out away from your gums a little - again so the stickum won't glue something accidental.

then when yore tongue and lips are safely out of the way, open up the super glue ... squeeze about half a tube on each of your teetn, and cram them back up into the cavities from which they were removed. be sure to hold them in place for a few minutes. maybe a wadded up paper towel would do the trick but be careful to get rid of the excess as paper towels glued to your teeth might not be the pleasantest tasting stuff in the whole wide world.

Saturday, January 14, 2006

Joining the Air Force

Don't know if I ever told anyone exactly how it was that I ended up in the military, but it was a story. I started to say, interesting, but I suppose that all depends upon the perspective. There's probably quite a few of you that could care less why, or how, or when... so it might not be interesting at all. But, it's a story.

As a teenager, in small town America, I was the baby of the family, and my older brother's had gone off long before I hit my teens. One of those married and started a family. The oldest joined the Navy right after high school, and pretty much had made a career of it. The married one, at some point, decided he needed employment and training pretty bad, and he went and joined the Army.

My Grandfather, long before, had been a GI in World War II. My Dad somehow missed out - I think he was "flat footed" - and graduated right after WWII, and so missed the Vietnam draft because by that time he was a little too old. But still, I had several "military" connections.

The Sailor in the family did well... He got schooling, training, saw the world. He'd go back every so often for more training - he was stationed in Pearl Harbor for a few years. The Army brother ... well, his career was shorter, and pretty rocky. I suppose the Army has a reputation for not being "nice" to people, and .. well, at one point, he went AWOL for a while to avoid being seperated from his family. It effectively denied him the opportunity to re-enlist, but other than that, it was mostly just a slap-on-the-hand punishment. Still, for me, a negative view on the military.

But back to my teenage years. My Father died when I was 14. My brother just older than me, and I, well, we did what we had to do to keep food on the table, and my Uncle moved in with us, as well. Between us all, we managed to keep the lights on and life went on.

None of us had a lot of money. Mom was partially disabled, and couldn't really work, and Social Security gave us some income, but I am really not sure how we made it through those years, to be honest. But one thing I was sure of, I would never, EVER, be Government Issue (GI). One thing I knew - was that a GI was actually property of the United States Government. This is true - you sign on that dotted line - you belong to Uncle Sam.

At graduation time, I was 5th in my class. I had a scholarship to the University of Arkansas, which was some 150 miles or more from my hometown. I also had no car. I had worked weekends and summers for a long time, but had not saved much of anything - as any extra money tended to go into books and cassettes, and not to the future.

So, I decided college could wait. I'd go to work full time at the place where I was already employed part time - a quartz crystal mining company. It was right down the road from our house, less than a mile - and I could walk, or ride with my older brother, if I needed to.

I worked in the cleaning department, where we'd take the large chunks of rocks, with sandstone bases, and clear quartz points clustered up and growing out of the rock, which would be totally covered in thick, hard, red clay mud, and clean them. First would be a carwash type sprayer, just knocking off the worst of the mud. Then we'd put them in large trays and lower them into large vats full of oxalic acid, which would help dissolve the mud and allow the crystals to come out looking much prettier than they had first appeared. As an additional workload, I inherited my duties from when I had been a "weekend" employee, which was using the lawn mower and weedeater around the owner's house, the warehouse, and the retail outlet and campground on the back end of the property.

The owner was one of those guys who was the nicest guy, nicest neighbor in the world, when he wanted to be, and the biggest a-- .. ahem, excuse me, let me change the wording here a little bit - the biggest jerk in the world when he was so inclined. One afternoon, he came and got me from the cleaning area. He was hot. Very, very angry. It seems he had gotten on his big John Deere tractor, attached the bushhog to the back and started cleaning up around the fields around the property.

Around his house, a kit-home log cabin, was a picket fence. My job, or part of it, was to keep the yard mowed. Off to the side, beside the picket fence, was a steel-sided storage shed, wich a bunch of odds and ends in it. It faced the road, and then, back behind it was the edge of one of the fields that I mentioned above. When the owner was cutting the tall, tall grass in that area, outside the yard, back behind the storage shed, it seems he forgot that at one point a well had been drilled there. A water well.

In modern times - for those of you on city water with no idea what this means - when a well is drilled, a white (usually) pipe about 5 or 6 inches in diameter is placed down the well shaft to keep it from caving in. Usually, this comes up a few inches to a foot or two above ground level and is then capped off, with a removable top so that access may be gained to it if the need should arise. The pipes carrying water up are then inside this white shaft, and usually exit it below ground level and carry the water to the well pump, which might be located in a wellhouse or the basement of the house, or something similar.

At any rate, here he was, mowing away and whacked the top right off of that well cap with his bushhog. And, he came to get me. Yep. I'd been working there on weekends and summertimes for about three years, and one of my additional duties, as I described before, was mowing and weedeating the yard. However, since he hit the wellcap in the edge of the field - well - that was my fault, you see.

I should have had the foresight to go out there with the weedeater, and cut a wide swatch around that wellcap... then put some kind of pole up there, by it, and tie a brightly colored ribbon to the top - so he'd be sure to miss it. He told me all of this - I should have done each of those things. Down to the red or orange ribbon on top of the tall stick.

Yep. In those three or four years, I had never done this. So, him hitting that well was MY fault. Well, sir, it got me to ponderating on this business of working, for barely above minimum wage, at a dead end job. Now, it was like drugs. I am not saying anything against folks that want to use drugs. More power to 'em. But when I was about eleven, it dawned on me that I was a smart enough feller that I didn't need to be tempted into drugs. I had seen folks that had their brains fried from a little too much weed. There's no way I'd ever be that guy. So I stayed away from it. There's no pull, never has been.

Well, this was like that... Why was I, this smart kid, 18 years old - a bright future ahead of me, somewhere, working here, at a dead end job with no hope for a brighter future - no hope for training. Perhaps I'd make enough someday to buy a cheap car or truck but still... I needed to do something different.

That little voice started nagging me - maybe the military isn't so bad after all. I mean, I had done very well on the ASVAB when it was given a year or so earlier - and I kept getting all these flyers from recruiters in the mail. Finally, I started talking to people.

I talked to my Navy brother - he said, knowing what he knew then, he'd probably have gone into the Air Force - perhaps better training. Talked to my brother who had a short-lived Army career, and he said if he'd do anything over again, he'd probably have done the Air Force - they were reputed to have the best facilities, best food, best girls. I talked another friend who'd been in the service at some point, and he mirrored that thought.

I'd ask every person I met who had some military connection - and almost everyone agreed - "Go Air Force" - whether because basic training is easier, or for a hundred other reasons. Almost everyone. There was this one guy - who kinda sealed it for me - who told me, "Well, I was in the Air Force, Security Police. If I was to do it again, I'd go in the Marines. I wanted to tote a big gun...." I said, "Thanks" and walked away, thinking, "Uhh... Yeah, right." Where was this guy working? In the grocery store stocking shelves.

So, I went to the recruiter, who sent me to the MEPS (Military Entry Processing Station) in Little Rock, and I did another test, and the Air Force guy there said, "What do you want to do? You did well enough, you can pick anything you want." I had no idea, so I said, "What do you have in computers?" And, there was a Communications Computer Systems Operator with a 3 month wait, but a 6 year enlistment with E-3 out of basic training, or a Communications Computer Systems Programmer job with the same requirements, except about a 9 or 10 month wait.

At that point, I didn't even know how to turn a PC on. Other than the old Apple IIe's that were in the library at school, or the Tandy's in the tech room, I didn't know anything at all about computers. I did know that I didn't want to wait almost a year, and 3 months - wow - that sounded perfect ... Time to "clean up", relax, work out, do nothing, or anything, or whatever I wanted.

And 3 months later, I was in, and the rest, as they say, is history. I do not regret joining the Air Force. Turns out I was an operator for about a year, then moved into systems management and, well, basically, I do the same thing today, fifteen years later, but on the "outside". I am paid well, and work in a decent environment. I've been with my company for 8 years already, after doing six in the Air Force. Still work with computers, day in and day out.

And now, once in a while, when I cannot sleep, I get up and type boring stories into my computer and post them to the net for anyone in the world wide web to read.

Note: It was pointed out to me that I had already told this story, in a similar form right at about a year ago. It is a post entitled Government Issue. It's all right - you ramble enough, sooner or later you'll repeat yourself....

Thursday, January 12, 2006

Church at Sunset

I've gotta say... I love this country where I live. The people here are friendly - like back home. The country is great - like back home. The sunsets are spectacular, like back home.

Pennsylvania is at the same time the farthest from home, and the closest to home that I have ever lived as an adult. The farthest, in miles, but the closest, in many other ways!

Here's the church on Powell's Valley Rd, taken tonight at sunset. Enjoy!

Quote of the Day

From a customer's email signature block:

"Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for they consider you crunchy and good with ketchup."

Friday, January 06, 2006

Lost

I'm alive, just lost.
Pardon me for the moment.
I'll be back, soon.